so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
