you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
