The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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