u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
