The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
