This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
