Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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