You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
