I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
