but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
