I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
