Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
