A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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