The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
