my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
