I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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