I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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