I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
