new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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