if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
