know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
