Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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