break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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