WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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