New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Enjoy the penises
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
