how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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