She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
