its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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