he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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