what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
