Are we in a gay sports bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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