She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
