Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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