"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
