Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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