her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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