i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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