If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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