She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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