Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
