It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
