It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
