yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
