I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
