Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
