Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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