Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
