oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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