Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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