i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
