oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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