oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
