her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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