the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
